Autumn 2019: A Promise to Myself

Hello my lovelies and welcome to another personal post!

I think it’s fair to say that here in the UK we’re officially in heart of Autumn. I know, it’s crazy! This year the seasons seemed to have changed very drastically and very quickly.

Now I know for so many people this is by far their favourite time of year, and I mean what’s not to love? The leaves are turning that beautiful shade of orange, Halloween is just around the corner and it’s time for us all to dig out our jumpers and scarfs and wrap up warm!

While I of course love all of the above, I have a confession to make. I generally hate the period between the end of October and Christmas.
Now this is nothing against the season itself, like I said, who doesn’t love walking on the beautifully crunchy leaves on a cold morning? And it’s only a matter of time before the coffee shops start to bring back my absolute favourite … orange hot chocolate!

My problem is that this time of year is exceptionally hard as it’s filled with the memories and memorials for some of the worst times of my life. This time every year my mental health takes a dip, and every year I find myself gradually spiralling as I fixate and focus on the memories which have basically broken my heart.

I know this happens yearly and instead of trying to make a change, I just accept the downward spiral with open arms.
Autumn is such a beautiful period and there’s so much I love like I’ve already mentioned. I’m never going to shut out the past, and while this isn’t going to be an easy task, this year I’m promising myself that things will be different. This year I’m going to at least try to be happy.

I’m incredibly lucky to have a number of things to look forward to over the next few months such as tickets with one of my best friend’s to see McFly at The 02! We’ve been friends for 8 years and yet this is our first trip together anywhere outside of Bristol!
You know it really is true what they say, Galaxy Defenders Stay Forever!

The following week I’m heading back up to London to see two of my favourites in one of my all time favourite shows.
For me Mary Poppins is an incredibly special show so a number of reasons. I first saw the show as a young girl and then again on the UK Tour in 2015. We had booked months in advance, but it just so happened that our ticket date fell a few weeks after my Nan had passed away. I was in a truly terrible place and honestly felt sick with guilt for the fact I was sat in a theatre instead of being sat at home still staring at the same wall. During act 2 I had a realisation. I was beginning to smile and beginning to feel happy. The pain of loosing my Nan will never leave and even while writing this there’s a dull ache in my chest, but in that moment I knew I just needed to look forward. I’d lost loved ones before, I knew that life would eventually present a new kind of okay, but in those first few weeks I honestly couldn’t see past the dark clouds. This show brought me back into the light, even if it was only for a few hours.

Another big change this year is that for the first time since 2012 I’m actually looking forward to Christmas! I always love the buying of gifts for my friends and family but this Christmas will be me and Jacob’s first Christmas in our first home.  I have an overwhelming love for this flat and this home we’ve made together, and I honestly cannot wait to get our tree up, fill it with Disney decorations and spend the season drinking mulled wine and eating mince pies! (I don’t actually drink mulled wine or eat mince pies but you get the idea!)

I can’t promise I’ll spend everyday skipping about happily and some days are bound to be worse than others, but I feel I just needed to write this post. I needed to write out the thoughts in my head because I feel as though if I write and publish this promise, I actually have to keep to it. You all know what I’m working towards and if you see me spiralling, you can give me a swift kick and remind me to smile. So that being said I’m off to dig out my autumn clothes (they really are some of my favourite pieces) and I’m off to frolic in the crispy leaves! Actually, while I’m writing this I’m cooking a stew so I’m technically off to make some dumplings ….
While this a beautiful time of year please do spare a though for those who find it difficult. If you see somebody looking upset just give them a friendly smile. You never know how much it could brighten their day!

Lots of love,

Chloe x

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Any season in North Carolina is strange. When Fall began, it still felt like Summer. It took until October until Fall weather began. The only thing that seemed like Fall was the leaves- that was it. My state sure has some strange weather.

    I do not have high highlights to look forward to in October yet.

    Like

  2. amymayj says:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal post – my mental health also takes a bit of a dip during this season too so I sympathise. Autumn is such a gorgeous month though and I’ve learned that it’s a great month for you to enjoy the little things like breaking out the fluffy jumpers and a hot chocolate! All the best for the next couple of months and have an amazing time at McFly! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. chloethefry says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words lovely!
      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles this time of year! xx

      Liked by 1 person

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